…..in where I confess…..

…or rather share with you a dark side to me…

*deep breath*

*sigh*

Here it goes…

I, *B* Fabulous, am…

B.U.L.I.M.I.C. – yup, you read that right. binge, purge – that’s me!

I do it for control

I do it because I want that pizza but I can’t have it because I’m not a size 2

I do it because I want to

I do it because I’ve been doing it since the 6th grade

I hide it from my family…until once when I was in high school, and I was doing it everyday, my brother figured me out – I told him not to tell anyone, he didn’t. Then one day my mom asked me if I was doing it because she caught me in the basement bathroom…whatever, I didn’t stop.

I do it because I see my mother shove abnormal amounts of food in her face then wonder why her working out isn’t paying off

I do it because living on a 1200 calorie diet, or less, makes me hungry sometimes and sometimes I want a cookie…but it doesn’t stop there. then I have to binge, purge – vicious cycle

I do it because it’s easy – except one time I was at the dentist and my dentist looked me straight in the face and asked, because she could tell what I was doing – so what; binge, purge, continue

My methods have matured as have I, become more advanced if you will for more accurate uhhhh purging purposes

I do it for one week out of every month…more if I’m stressed or whatever

I can’t believe I’m writing this, but so what

You’d never be able to tell, since I’m not super skinny etc.

It’s so bad for me, but I still do it

Kind of like an addiction, but for me it’s part of me

That’s as personal and as deep as I’m ever going to get on this blog.

I’m out

*B*

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9 Responses to “…..in where I confess…..”

  1. charles Says:

    Normally I have something to sayou…words of insight…but I have nothing. Wow…is this something that you think you can stop at some point? Is there something about body image that just gets to you? I’m just asking questions because I’m trying to understand, that’s all.

    This is like one of the most honest posts I’ve read in quite some time.

  2. *B* fab Says:

    @ Charles – hey you!
    stop – probably not, I tried before to stop, then anxiety kicked in and yeah, no didn’t work

    body image – I’m a female so yes, naturally I am concerned with how my body looks. Even at my smallest I saw something else in the mirror that noone else saw; ie, when I was a 5/6 – I saw a 12/14 – noone could understand, I still don’t *shrugging my shoulders*

  3. Elisa Says:

    HUNEY! Youare BEAUTIFUL. Stop hurting yourself. You are PERFECT because the Lord made you. End of story. I love you!

  4. Jamie Says:

    Thank God YOU CONFESSED! Now, FIGHT FOR YOU LIFE! You are beautiful and you will be freed of this. Be Strong and I love you blogger buddy!

    Jamie

  5. *B* Fab Says:

    @ Elisa – wasn’t SATC sooooo fabulous!? You’re sweet! and thanks. also, easier said than done :-\

    @ Jamie – thanks chica!!! I don’t even know if it’s about a “fight” anymore?

  6. Mademoiselle M Says:

    Hey hun,

    your confession is a sign that you want help (correct me if I’m wrong?). You are clearly a very beautiful person and despite the bombardment by society of the perfect woman, I’m sure that you want to be able to love and accept yourself for who you are. Please tell a professional – if not for your physical health then for your mental health. Happiness is very important in life. Of course NOBODY is ever completely happy with themselves or their life 24/7 but I think we should all strive for a good balance.

    Please email me if you want me to help you through this.. I REALLY want you to seek help – even if you think it’s a part of your life now AND even if you believe you can’t stop cuz it’s simply not true.

  7. Ray Says:

    wow B…I can only hope and pray that someday [soon] you deal with this in the proper way, because just like any addiction–it wont just go away. And you yourself said that you know its unhealthy and you know the reasons behind it, but theres still more you can learn about it and yourself, and I hope that one day soon you decide to really take control of this. none of us can judge you, and i think all of us are equally saddened by this blog, i just really really hope that you seek help for this. you’re SUCH a beautiful girl, and you’re smart and funny and your sense of all things fabulous is amazing…and I understand the pressures of having a certain body image, and I will keep you in my prayers because you are far too special to have something like this be an ever-present problem for your whole life. Seems like you know theres a big problem, you just havent decided to fully deal with it yet.

  8. Ericka Says:

    Hey Sweetie,
    This is my first time ever coming to your blog and I love it!! Keep up the good work. But I’ve been there, I’m now 28 healthy and fab!!! My ex boyfriend caught me when I was 17 I had been doing it since I was 12. What he did to help me was be my friend, and that’s all anyone can do for you. If you ever want an ear(i know I didn’t) then i am here and you will be in my prayers.

  9. …and it’s back… « My PURPLE World Says:

    […] By *B* fab Remember that BIG little problem I wrote about last year — My confession (one of them) – well it’s back, with a […]

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