Archive for August, 2008

Babies on the brain, birthday coming…

August 17, 2008

I just got home from spending a day with my extended family…all my cousins and all their kids! I took my 10 year old brother to our 4 year old cousin’s birthday party today at some bounce n play type place. The moment I walked in I was overcome by all the noise! LOL! The shreiking kids and laughing adults! It really was fun though…for the kids ha! All my cousins were there, which is ALWAYS nice! I never really get to see them often so I was super glad to see them all!

I also felt a wee bit out of place since they all have families, husbands, kids! On one hand, I’m like yahooo! I don’t have kids, on the other hand, as I’m fielding questions of when I’m going to reproduce, LOL!, I sorta really felt left out! Everyone had their cameras out taking pics of their kids having a ball, I took one or two of my little brother, haha!

And then I went to go see the newest, most precious addition to our family, my cousin’s new baby girl! Oh and she is THE most precious little baby EVER!!! She’s only a few days old but she really takes after his(our) side of the family! Such a tiny, precious baby girl! I’m glad she’s finally here so that I can spoil her!

But while over at my cousin’s house, my other female cousins and my aunts kept asking me about that “special someone” in my life and when am I going to settle down and get serious, yaddda yaddda yadda! Dang! I’m only 26 people! Sure I will be 27 in a week but goooodness! Give me a break! I felt so much pressure, SO MUCH PRESSURE!! My Aunt’s exact words, “This is the time, chile. You all are getting old” LOL oh wow! Thanks auntie!!

But really, for me to even consider, seriously, having a baby, LOL, first of all, I’d have to be in a loving, God-centered, secure, faithful marriage! Only and until then will babies ever play a serious role in my life lol! I like going to visit and hold other little ones but being able to give them back is a great feeling…although my dreams as of late would prove otherwise!

I keep having dreams about babies! This time around, it’s about twins…yikes!! TWINS! good gracious! But, yeah good thing those are just dreams and I’m going to try not to look too deep into my dreams, although in addition to the baby dreams, I’m also dreaming of exes and they are playing quite significant roles in these dreams…blah! What does it all mean, nothing, or everything lol! I’m going with nothing!

Anyways, I’m staring 27 in the face and I’m still trying to figure life out! ugh! BUT, I’m also enjoying life, so I’m not going to worry too much about pressures, from family members or myself, nor when/if/how I’m going to havin babies LOL!

Peace,

*B*

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Trust in the Lord…lean not on your own…acknowledge HIM

August 1, 2008

Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge HIM and He will make your paths straight.”

These are the words that woke me up Wednesday morning.  I know God has been trying to get my attention for some time now and I’m using EVERYTHING as a convenient distraction from what I am supposed to be doing.  I am stressing myself out over stuff, STUFF that I don’t need to be stressing out about, stuff that I am putting stress on myself about. – All because I took my eyes off God and am trying to do this mess myself. Stupid right. Ugh! I feel like, so crazy! I was so ready, willing and able to give my life over to Christ fully and wholly. But there were still parts of my life I have yet to relinquish to Him.  And I feel that at this point it is all I can do to have peace of mind.

Peace of mind – what is that?! Lately I haven’t been able to really sleep; you know the type of sleep where your mind is still running a million miles an hour and your eyes are just closed. ugh! that’s been my life for the past month or so…needless to say, I’m tired! T I R E D!!!

God has gotten me through A LOT! SO much! So why can’t I fully commit to my God who has done nothing but be SO good to me?? What’s the hold up? He has already begun such a good work in me. Why am I out to mess this up? *So convicted and conflicted*

I don’t want to mess this up. Perhaps, nah, I am really impatient in my life right now. Right now there are so many things, SO many things going on and the reason I feel so blasted CRAZY is because I’ve lost my whole focus. F O C U S!

wow.

Matthew 6:33

“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given unto you.”

So yeah, my whole, my everything has been throw out of whack because I am not keeping my eyes upon Him.

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.”

What to do? I KNOW what to do. Will I? I need to. I want to. I desire to. I said I was living on purpose to fulfill His purpose. – get it together, *B*

I have some work to do! SO MUCH WORK TO DO! You know, many are called, but few are chosen. I know that I have a greater purpose to fulfill in my life. I know that with God, I can do all things in His strength. Also, as one of my friends stated earlier this week, we as Christians, in this walk with God are like a Special Order – special orders take longer because they are custom and not run of the mill…God has chosen me and His work has only just begun. I am anxious, nervous, excited, thrilled, scared, surprised, but all the while very much looking forward to what my life holds.

All this pressure that I am putting on myself, ridiculous. I need to fully LET GO.

I’m out,

*B*